Angels of Epilepsy

A 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Organization

AOE Blog

Am I The Chosen One?... A Battle With Depression

Posted by angelsofepilepsy@gmail.com on February 22, 2018 at 1:25 PM

As I've received many letters, emails, and messages on social media from survivors like myself, there are so many teens and adults battling with depression. Some who battles with epilepsy or seizures tend to be judged by many. Whether it's from classmates, co-workers, or maybe even family. This can cause depression.


I once thought I had a normal life. Even though I was diagnosed with epilepsy at the age of 5, I felt I was living a normal life. I did whatever I wanted to do like any "normal" human being. Having seizures during elementary school, no one looked at me differently. My classmates and teachers actually helped me and had a concern. Seeing what others are experiencing now, it's completely different and it does bother me.


My depression came from the aftermath of the tragic car accident I had. Being diagnosed with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder), I really didn't want to accept it. After being tested and the doctors advising me of this, I just felt even more different. And I did question, "Am I the chosen one?"


Imagine having 2 good jobs, a comfortable home, traveling, and so much excitement in life, then it changes immediately. After I had the tragic car accident, it seemed like those who I was once close to, disappeared. I had to face a lot from the accident. Hospitalized from my epilepsy, having 2 brain surgeries, could no longer drive, and I looked around and asked, "where are they?" My phone just stopped ringing, not many visits, or even invites. Hmmm.... I'm wondering why? Is it because of all of this?


Not only was I diagnosed with depression but I also deal with Claustrophobia. It's the fear of being in a small space or room and having the feeling like you're unable to escape. Being unable to drive and dealing with the circumstances from the case I had, I felt enclosed in my home. So imagine no one around you and no where to go. How would you feel? I felt that this was a punishment to me. Depression at a part of my life became serious. I attempted suicide but as you can see, I'm still here. And here for a reason.

 

During the time I had in the hospital with brain testing and surgeries, I met many survivors like myself and we had similar stories. Now, this day, there are even more similar stories and some are even worst. I've interacted with so many survivors and others and all I do is give them my testimony. And I hope that it can change their way of thinking about life. Because we are here for a reason.

 

Am I the chosen one? Will I ever be in a relationship or marriage someday? Will I ever have friends like I once had before? Will I not be looked at differently due to what I live with or from my past? Only God knows. What I'm dedicated to at this point in my life is having the many like myself...SMILE. If I can't bring others joy, I am not living my purpose.


What keeps me going each day is giving God praise and following the plan He has for me. Once I've learned that, I see things falling into place. God determines who walks into your life. You decide who stays and who walks out. In the book of John 13:7, it states; "You don't understand now what I am doing but someday you will." And I do understand it now!

 

I've spoken to many survivors and families who are battling with depression. Just because you were diagnosed, don't let it destroy your life. We're all human and things do happen. Be a living testimony and show others how they can overcome just like you. When you think positive, you will get positive results! I do know that...


You are still here for a reason. Why? Because YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE!




Natalie Y. Beavers

Founder of Angels Of Epilepsy Inc.


Categories: Life, Seizures

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