Don't Aspire to “Be Normal Again\" by Tim Ulmer

If people with epilepsy don’t choose to make a determined effort to laugh and mix with people, it’s easy to feel isolated and imprisoned. It’s like bobbing in shark-infested waters after being the sole survivor of a sunken ship and praying that you could just continue with your normal cruise. That desire to be “normal” can be obsessively maddening.

I’ve been there and done that myself. I lost my ability to drive for over 33 years. I lost jobs and opportunities. I lost dates because of prejudice and remained unmarried until age 41.

During my sulking at home, I wanted to scream, “I just want to be normal! Is that too much to ask?!” I’d stare at the medications in my hand and want to throw them on the floor and stomp them into dust!

Pssstt! I’ll share a secret with you. If you’re reading this because you have epilepsy, you’re already “normal.”

“What are you talkin’ about, Tim? It’s not normal!” you’re probably protesting.

The word “normal” is despicable. I hate it. It’s frustrating when people ask me, “Don’t you want a normal life, Tim?”

The joke is on them!

The truth is, if they’re in any group of 20 people—at work, restaurants, church, classrooms, or anywhere else—19 of them have something wrong with them. Uh-huh. According to the statistics I found, 95% of people have some type of ailment. The numbers go on from there. Six of those 20 have five things wrong with them. One third! [1]

And what about those medications you’re required to take for your epilepsy and their cursed side effects? Two-thirds of the people around you must take prescription medication for something. [2]

Others are taking over-the-counter medications for chronic ailments such as allergies, arthritis, migraines, eczema, and more.

So just what is “normal”?

My Random House Dictionary gives this definition:

Normal, adjective: 1. Conforming to the standard or common type; 2. Serving to fix a standard; 3. Psychol. a. approximately average in every psychological state.

It’s my opinion that the sole individual in the room who isn’t taking medication for anything is the ABNORMAL person! Maybe he or she should be squeamish about being unlike everyone else if they knew how many other people have problems too.

From our preschool days, we’re taught that it’s not polite to talk about ourselves, which is frequently a good attitude—IF we are someplace other than an epilepsy support group. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about our condition.

It’s up to us to give some of the people regularly around us an idea of what might happen and what seizure first aid may be necessary. Beyond that, constantly talking about our condition can sometimes turn people off and cost us the opportunity to gain a new friend unless we are asked about it.

For most of my life, I’ve dreamed of driving like other people. I’ve wanted a better memory like the majority of people. However, I also know a neighbor who drives past me who would love to be able to walk three miles a day like I do. Unfortunately, she can’t work in her yard because she has had rheumatoid arthritis since her twenties.

I’ve envied my sister’s steady employment, but she has envied me for not having cancer or diabetes that limits my diet. My best friend, who often drives me, is aggravated by stomach and heart problems that make him monitor the gluten in his diet.

Whatever disability is bothering someone, it’s my suggestion that they reevaluate just what the real obstacles are to having a happier life.

Put together a list of the things that are getting in your way. Then make another list of all the craziest things you can imagine that might help you get around your epilepsy and do those things.

I won’t fool you: It took me years!

Mastering patience is important for everyone.

It is also important to voice our frustrations and concerns. This can be done effectively in a support group where people are not only empathetic with you, but where survivors can offer ideas that may help you in your own life. It can be an uplifting experience. Even a joyful one.

Make finding a support group through epilepsy organizations or social media your first assignment. You already have the Angels of Epilepsy support group as a place to start!

Ever hear that laughter is the best medicine?

I don’t have any specific studies to share with you about that, but I know it’s true for me. Quite often, if I’m depressed because of my lifestyle or experiencing the side effects of my medications, treating myself to the most ridiculous sitcoms or movies will cheer me up.

When I watch the ridiculous plights of Jethro on The Beverly Hillbillies, the dry humor of Bob Newhart, or the nuttiness of Mel Brooks and Eddie Murphy, my “Keppra Rage” evaporates.

And I’m ready to smile and leave the house.