Enraging My Incredible Hulk By Tim Ulmer

My Mom had a nickname for me during my teen-years, but not in a doting way:  “Dr. David Banner”.  That was the true identity of “The Incredible Hulk”.

Perhaps the single most severe trigger in my past—and prelude to my most dangerous incidents—was not having control over my ANGER.  The triggers of Anger and Stress are “buddies” because anger builds up stress in your body that can be catastrophic if muscles aren’t properly relaxed and breathing made steadier.  Plenty of things make people angry.  For me at the time, it was bullies at school and pressures from homework and school tests.  Even worse is the fact that some of our medications like Keppra create temper disorders, thus leading to even more seizures.  Ugh!

I’ve been epileptic since the age of 2 but didn’t start any pharmaceutical treatment until I was 7 in 1970.  That was Phenobarbital.  Whether it was the medication or my adolescent changing hormones, I was prone to temper tantrums.  When my parents told me to be quiet, I’d snap, “Go read the 1st Amendment [to the US Constitution]:  I can say whatever I want! Freedom of speech!”  If they told me not to go somewhere with somebody, again, I’d order them to read the Constitution, because “—freedom of assembly!”

Fortunately for our family, I was a good student and responsible boy, and in our farm town, there weren’t dangerous gangs selling drugs to make me a juvenile delinquent.  But the point was that Mom noticed that within two days of me having a temper tantrum, I’d have a severe seizure.  There was a 2-week rhythm to the explosion of the tantrums. 

God bless my Mom’s patience.  My freshman year in high school, CBS Television started a prime-time show starring Bill Bixby and champion body builder Lou Ferrigno as “The Incredible Hulk” (based on the comic book hero).  If you’re unfamiliar with it or today’s Marvel Movies, Dr. David Banner accidently gave himself an overdose of radiation while researching hidden strengths within the human brain.  Consequently, whenever he was angered, he would turn into that scary, green monster.  Mom remarked, “Dr. David Banner’s problem sounds a lot like you!”

We tolerated my tantrums throughout high school and college, and I maintained that entire biweekly ritual.  Happiness; Explosive Anger; 48-hours delay; Seizure!

It wasn’t until I was beginning an investment sales career in Chicago and took some courses in goals and self-management when I realized the extent of my anger wasn’t common.  I learned about the importance of relaxing, pacing my breathing, self-hypnosis and how those things are essential to personal and professional success.  My nerves routinely got stretched during the daily commute on Chicago expressways, but discovering how relaxing the drive was by simply playing gentle classical music (baroque) on my radio excited me!  As soon as I got home, the ritual continued with the music, get comfortable in my reclining chair, and focus my eyes on my fish aquarium for 30 minutes.

This self-conditioning got so good that seizures became only monthly and usually in bed.  About 2 years later, my mother came from Central-Illinois to stay at her sister’s with me in Chicago, because she was sick.  While Mom was there, I was laid-off of from a job, America was in an economic recession so another job was out of sight, my savings were about depleted, and my favorite aunt and grandfather were both dying.  My calm behavior through all of it was distressing to Mom; she speculated I was “out of touch with reality” and needed to see a psychologist.  She staggered when I laughed at her remark.  My jubilation was from this  proof that I had conquered my Incredible Hulk so well that the person who knew me best was wondering why he wasn’t making an appearance!

I’ve remained on medications that irritated my stress and anger, including Keppra, but at least I had learned of steps to control myself.  Currently for me, walking several miles a day and stationary biking at least 3 hours a week are part of my routine.  You’ve heard that “laughter is the best medicine”?  I LIVE that by watching one episode of my all-time favorite sit-coms a day without my telephone.

For any of you who are married, I bet you’ll agree that maintaining a good marriage is less a matter of romance than one of patience and self-restraint.  I married a Chinese woman at a time she was new in the US.  Even though we’d already had a 2-year relationship in China, we quickly learned that words and phrases we said might seem to be offensive to the other and ignite bitter arguments.  

Yan and I used a method of clarifying a statement before we would let ourselves get angry that journalists are taught.  We would find 3 ways to ask the same question of the other person, wording statements differently each time.  If the other’s answer seemed the same all three times, we agreed that we had a reason to be upset.  Once that was determined, I would excuse myself for a 15-minute walk around the neighborhood.  It wasn’t a matter of me running out on my wife; instead, it was a matter of “cooling down” to have a calm and objective discussion once I returned.  She understood there was a relationship between my anger and seizures.

I am proud to say that during 22 years of marriage, I haven’t had a seizure following any disagreements with my wife, and my daughter’s only seen The Incredible Hulk in the theater—and not in ME, anyway!  People who didn’t know me until 30 years ago don’t have the slightest clue that within this laughing, happy-go-lucky guy lies a giant monster that could show his face in an epileptic seizure.